Ready, Set...Hesitate?

You’ve been thinking about this project for a while. You’ve been anticipating it, delighted as the details come together in your mind. You’ve set aside a chunk of time to work on it today. So exciting! You sit down, all the tools laid out before you, and stare at the blank page (or canvas, or screen, or whatever).

            And you stare.

            And slowly your mind goes blank.

            Then you remember that you think you really ought to reorganize your closet. So you head over there and dig into the mess. In the process, you uncover a half-finished project from long ago, and it becomes very important to you to finish it first. In the process of that, you create a mess which you suppose you must clean up, in addition to your closet. Then you get some mail which you decide you should read and file away. Which jogs your memory about something else that you think you ought to do.

            By the time you look up, frazzled and frustrated, from half a dozen still-unfinished projects, the chunk of time has already passed, and you haven’t even touched the project that you were so excited about. Oh well, you think. There’s always tomorrow. Or next week. Or next month…

I have spent far too many days of my life like this. You could call it procrastination, but I think I’ll just call it fear. Fear of commitment. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown. By God’s grace, I’m learning ways to fight through this, and I’ll share some of the things that have been working for me.

ONE: if you’re a Christian, praise and pray.

            I try to send a few words heavenward whenever I sit down to create, but I often don’t remember until I’m in the middle of it. I request inspiration, guidance, new plots, a steady hand, wisdom for choosing the right colors, etc. Sadly, it’s even less frequent that I remember to give God praise for the gifts He’s given me, such as my talents, the myriad art supplies within arm’s reach, and my comfortable home.

If you want to get your perspective set right, I suggest going through the Lord’s Prayer and really thinking about it, not just using ‘vain repetition’ (Matt. 6:7), starting with:

Our Father (God who is in an intimate relationship with us, interested in all the details) in heaven (Yet high above us and able to see everything from His eternal perspective), hallowed be Your name (Will this bring honor to His name? Am I doing this for the glory of His name or mine?).

In equal importance with prayer, I advise you to read the Bible first each day before you do anything else. It may seem like prayer and Bible reading are eating away at what precious free time you have, but I dare to make this guarantee: if your true desire it to know God better, you will not regret one single moment you spend in His Word and talking with Him. (Note that I say talking “with” and not “at”—there’s a distinction.) Your life and art will be the richer for it.

TWO: turn on music.

I do nearly every visual project and even some written ones accompanied by songs playing from my stereo or computer. I believe music has a special ability to soothe the fearful noises in your head, wake your creativity, and draw you out of your self. As a Christian, songs about Jesus and His work in our lives have an especially powerful effect on me.

            I try to match the music to the project. For example:

            Bright, colorful painting—energetic pop/rock

             Epic fantasy graphic novel—Celtic, Jewish, film score

             Illustrations for children’s book—folk, pop

             Intense, emotional drawing—acoustic, symphonic

THREE: tidy up.

I am not talking about reorganizing your closet. But, if you have a mess or an urgent piece of unfinished business in your near vicinity, it might help if you get that taken care of first.

 Here’s an idea: set a time limit for your tidying, and when it’s up you absolutely must get back to the project. Or, you could set aside a specific time or day for clean-up. Keeping your workspace in order can be helpful, so far as it keeps your mind clear and your eyes undistracted. Although some of us find a little pleasant clutter inspiring…

FOUR: finally—JUST DO IT!

Walk your feet into that workspace, apply our hindquarters to that seat, get your fingers on those keys, grab that tool…whatever! Scream in agony if you need to, but DO IT!

So, back to the connection between procrastination and fear. I think a definition of “fear” might be: knowing something is bigger than you and outside your control.

            That could explain why we get afraid when we’re supposed to be creating. We don’t fully understand our gifts or where our ideas come from. We have no control over how people will respond to the things we make. We don’t know what’s going on.

            A quick scan of a Strong’s concordance shows that about a quarter of the uses of the word “fear” in the Bible say ‘fear not’, and the majority are talking about fearing God. He gave us our gifts. I think He often sends ideas. He is in control. He knows what’s going on.

Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:6,7

Rhohin: My Epic Writing Adventure

Fire and water: reoccurring images in the Rhohin stories.

Through the water and the
Fire I will take you
In swift flood and red flame
I will never leave you

A lamp for your feet
To shine on the way
I give to you and
Beside you I stay

Your sun I will be
So walk in My light
Your shield I will be
So trust in My might

Through the rushing stream
And the fire’s breath
Through the dance of joy
And the tears of death

I will never leave you
As your heart I refine
Nor will I forsake you
For you are ever Mine

I have called your name
I will be with you
Faithful to perfect
My good work in you.

                   (From Tales of Rhohin: The Calling)

Lord willing, before the end of this year, I’ll be clicking the “publish” button and releasing my first e-book to the world: Tales of Rhohin: The Calling.

            The fantasy world of Rhohin is somewhere between Medieval and Renaissance times, where castles have endless, unmappable corridors, peasants are surprisingly well-educated, swords might be magical, and princesses marry whomever they want to.

            And yes, the name is R-H-O-H-I-N (row-hin), not “Rohan” like in The Lord of the Rings. A friend suggested that I change it, but by then it would have been like renaming a six year old child. The similarity wasn’t deliberate, but considering what launched me on this writing journey, it was probably a subconscious nod to Tolkien.

The foreboding music was playing as Gandalf led the Fellowship deeper into the cavernous gloom of Moria. Something bad was in the air.

            I couldn’t take it anymore. I ran out of the room to hide before the Balrog came to get them.

Never mind that I was twelve and this was only the cartoon version. It was scary! I finally coaxed myself back out to watch the rest of the movie. I wasn’t impressed. I thought the hobbits were cute, but I couldn’t make much sense of the story. When it wasn’t scary and weird, it was boring. Who wrote this junk? I thought. I could do better!

So that’s what I set out to do. I had already been writing mystery novels and short stories about animals. I called my first fantasy book Warriors of the King, and dove right in, determined that this allegorical tale would be a beacon of good writing and spiritual truth in a dark literary world.

 Evil fortune-teller and minion trying to get nice girl to kill herself--Enter hero!

I drew a few pictures, wrote a chapter or two…and discovered that it was hard work. So I went back to writing mysteries. I finally read The Lord of the Rings, and found it better than I had expected (although I still hold to my opinion that it’s the hobbits who save it). As I read this and other fantasy stories, I was humbled and grew in respect for the talented authors who could inspire me to reach into the closet, past the hanging coats, and tap the back…just to check.

            Then, in my teens, something special happened to me. I fell in love with a story. Suddenly, I wanted to write a fantasy, not to one-up anyone, but simply because it made my eyes glow and my feet tap with excitement.

 Concept art that became The Calling

I became fascinated by the idea of a young man who grew up poor but was really the heir to the throne. I have since realized that this is the plot of about half of all fantasy literature, but hey! It was fresh to me then.

I remember one of the first days of writing, a magical time that fortified me to endure the long and excruciating journey to come. It was a warm, sunny day, and I sat on a big flat rock beside our gurgling creek, enjoying the cool water, rich greens, and golden light. I watched an inch-long minnow fight against the current while I sat with a purple ballpoint hovering over my notebook page, wondering where to begin. I wrote a poem about the minnow…

And finally, I got to work. That was a good day, one where I was convinced that I was doing something beautiful and important.

There was a world to plan.

I love creating random country shapes

No world-building is complete without costumes!

There were characters to design. Here you can see the protagonist’s progress (and my progress as an artist)...

And of course, I had to start the book somewhere. It took few tries:

1.       On the northern edge of the Verlaine Sea, between the rivers Ellestriel and Brae, lies the country of Rhohin.

2.      This is a tale of Rhohin. It may be the first to be told, but not the first to have been.

3.      This is the dawn of a new day for Rhohin.

4.      It was the early days of summer in Rhohin. The weather was fair, crops prospered, and all seemed peaceful enough within the country’s borders.

Then I learned that it’s good to start in the middle of a scene…

5.      The boy paused and listened. A sweet, ethereal music emanated from the depths of the forest.

6.      Caen paused and listened. A sweet, ethereal music emanated from the depths of the forest. The fourteen year old smiled. “A wood-fairy, indeed,” he murmured to himself. Such was the rumor. (Keeper!)

I eagerly read each new chapter to my younger sisters, who eagerly listened. But, as much as I enjoyed writing, it got tough. And to top it off, I was in my mid-teens, suffering from raging hormones, wacky emotions, and other trials. At my lowest point, I was journaling:

I just made a difficult decision. I decided that, for at least a while, I need to shelf Rhohin. Somehow I feel that right now it’s more of a distraction from God than a means to focus on Him…the girls aren’t going to be happy…

They weren’t. As I tearfully explained my righteous motives for quitting, they gave me the long-suffering younger sibling look and quietly expressed that they thought I was nuts.

            Anyway, I eventually got over it. Thank you, girls!

Finally, I printed out The Calling, complete with illustrations, maps, and glossary.

Real "desk-top publishing": clear tape for lamination, masking tape for edges, duct tape to hold the yarn binding together...I love tape.

I was overwhelmed and blushing with surprise as family and friends gave me positive reviews, encouraged me to try publishing it, and asked about sequels.

            The next book, The Black Isles—a sea-faring, island-exploring, dragon-riding adventure—was relatively easy to write, as I recall. No major emotional breakdowns or thoughts of burning manuscripts. However, book three, The Mountain-Lands, became an epic in its own right, and I’m still questing my way through it. While in the process of writing it, I became a founding member of a writers group at my church, which had a huge impact on me.

But, I will save those things for later posts.

The pile of all things Rhohin (sketches, drafts, critiques, etc.)...so far.

It’s interesting to me that I had serious concerns that writing fantasy was getting in the way of my relationship with God. Now, I see these books helping me grow in faith and keeping me in closer conversation with Him. Words I wrote have a way of talking back to me.

            In The Calling, I got a few things off my chest regarding my tendency to develop powerful and hopeless crushes on unknowing men. One of the characters summed it up with wisdom I would do well to keep heeding:

“We were children then. What did I know of love? I admired him, certainly, and I still do, but that is all.”

And the wise healer, Lady Arainia, spoke about courage in a way that still resonates with me:

“Listen to me, dear child. True courage is sacrifice—the willful giving of oneself for another. It is also called love. Do you think true courage knows no fear? Even Christ asked His Father to spare Him from the tree of death. But He walked up that terrible hill, none the less. True courage is obedience, the overcoming of fear…for perfect love casts out all fear.”

My stories may be a lot like some that have been told already, by authors more skilled than me, but my hope is that there is something good in them for each reader. Maybe simple delight in the adventure. Or a word of encouragement they need. Or a hearty laugh. Maybe an escape from a long, weary day…and refreshment to face another.

And perhaps, a glimpse of something so beautiful, it makes them want to come in and know Jesus better. Because He is the one who makes the adventure worth it.

What It's All About

Because I call my blog “Illustrator’s Way”, you may get the idea that I’m just going to write about drawing pictures for children’s books. That used to be all the word “Illustrate” meant to me, until I found this entry in our 1828 Webster’s dictionary (facsimile first edition):

[my edited version]

That was the moment I realized that being an “illustrator” is what I believe God has called me and gifted me to do. Whether I’m telling a story to children, painting a canvas, inking lines that could become words or pictures, arranging flower bouquets, lifting my hands in church, making a greeting card, or inventing characters that people will want to go on adventures with, I am here to show the glory of our Creator.

Can you imagine utter darkness? Blacker than black, with no glimmer or glow anywhere in all the vastness of space?

And then God’s voice says:

“Let there be light.”

Behold, He loved us so much that He sent His Son, coming in human flesh, to look us in the eye and say, “I am the light of the world.”

Jesus Christ came to illustrate the Father to us, and I want to follow His way.